Off My Chest

I Like The Waaaay You Move (Daa-Da-Da)

2009-07-10T06:05:00.000-07:00

After a solid two months without any serious leads, the job market appears to be percolating a bit over the last couple weeks. There was even one morning where I had to put on a suit, instead of my unemployment uniform (basketball shorts, t-shirt, flip-flops).

A couple of phone interviews last week went particularly well. That is to say, I think I interviewed fairly well AND they seemed like cool, happy, well-adjusted people. The type of people you want to work for.

This of course creates a bit of a dilemma, as this job would require a major relocation. I say major, because it requires a change of both physical distance as well as attitude/mindset.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I have to admit that I’ve felt some level of apprehension every time I’ve moved somewhere new in my life. And though things didn’t always work out exactly as planned, I’ve NEVER regretted the move itself. It always brought with it new friends, new challenges, new ways of thinking, personal growth etc. Ultimately, each of these changes were really good things. I just needed to first get over whatever apprehensions were preventing me from taking the leap.

Those of you that took a psychology class in college likely remember the 5 Stages Of Grief that Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about in her book “On Death & Dying.” She proposed that we must pass through 5 distinct stages as part of the grieving process (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance).

Well, I’m no psychologist – but I’d like to present you all with what I like to call the 4 Stages Of Relocation…

Mortified

Objectivity

Vexation

Embrace

Let me take you on an intimate stroll through my brain as I pass through each of these stages.

Stage 1: Mortified

"You want me to move from New York City!?! The greatest city in the world! Have you completely lost your mind!?!? There is NO WAY that is going to happen! Oh the horror!"

Stage 2: Objectivity

"Well….I suppose my rent would be A LOT less. And I’d get to drive a car again – I kinda miss that sometimes."

Stage 3: Vexation

"Ugh, I don’t know what to do! Everyone just leave me alone and let me figure this out. Your opinions are just pissing me off. Ok, I got it – I’m staying. No wait, I really probably should just go. Arrrgggghh!!"

Stage 4: Embrace

"Change is a good thing. It may be difficult at first, but it will all work out for the best. You’ll meet new people, have new adventures – it could be great."

So there you have it. The 4 Stages Of Relocation. And they spell out “move” – awesome. What did your stages spell out Kubler-Ross? DABDA?! Pffffff – and you call yourself a psychologist?

Anyway, I may end up moving and I may end up staying put. It’s really only partially up to me. The rest I leave in fate's hands. But either way, I’m on ‘E’....the stage, I mean (my bank account, on the other hand, is on 'E' in the more traditional sense).

Oh, and if you’re curious where I might potentially move to – well, the clue is in the title.

I’d Rather Be Caught In A Storm

2009-06-03T20:51:00.000-07:00

Seventeen year old Zac Sunderland, of Marina Del Rey, CA, is on track to become the youngest person to solo circumnavigate the globe later this month.

This assumes that all goes well of course. Zac has already outlasted windless doldrums, dodged freighters, eluded pirates, and used guile and resourcefulness to overcome the fearsome conditions on the high seas. Conditions that threatened to do irrevocable damage to his 36’ Islander (appropriately dubbed “The Intrepid”).

Zac purchased the modest 37 year old vessel with $6,000 of his own money when he was 16, and spent a year restoring it along with his father in preparation for this daring feat. He set sail from SoCal on a westward heading on June 14^th 2008. That means he’s been alone at sea for nearly a year!

The idea of being quite literally in the middle of nowhere, with little to know human interaction aside from the occasional port stop, and having to rely solely on ones own wits and grit determination to persevere is mind boggling to me. And I’m nearly twice Zac’s age.

You can follow Zac’s journey on his blog: http://www.zacsunderland.com/blog/

There’s also a great article written by Chris Jones (“Do Hard Things”) in the current issue of ESPN the magazine.

One of the many things that really struck me in the article was Zac’s unique perspective on life and his own future. Wise beyond his years to say the least – he’s already seen more of the world than any of us ever will in our lifetimes.

He probably won’t be going to college. “Adventuring doesn’t need a degree,” he says. His inability to sit in one place for any period of time almost certainly precludes him from holding a 9-5 job. And that’s perfectly ok with him. In fact, he’s already contemplating his next great adventure (dog sledding across the Arctic Circle), even as he is completing this current voyage.

This really makes me question my own life’s course. No, I’m not looking to sail around the world or anything. But as day after day ticks by and I fervently search for my next job - a job that will undoubtedly have me sitting in a tiny office every day - I have to ask myself ‘why?’

Why do I want so badly to go back to this way of life? Is it because it is familiar and safe? Is it because it is society’s expectation? Is it not better to just live your life by simply pursuing your passions, and not let anyone take the wind out of your sails??

“I’d rather be caught in a storm than caught in the doldrums.” -Zac Sunderland

Well said, Zac. Well said.

The Howe Caverns Effect

2009-05-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

When I was a child, there was a place near the small town where I grew up called Howe Caverns. I distinctly remember having gone there as part of a 2nd Grade field trip. My little mind was completely blown!

It was an underground nether land of dark winding caves. Long pointed stalactites descended from the ceiling, while stalagmites protruded up from the moist rocky ground. You felt as though you were in the jaws of some great beast that was about to devour you. It was a seemingly endless labyrinth of epic proportion. Danger and adventure potentially lurked around every corner, as you traversed farther and deeper into this chasm.

It was like something straight out of H.G. Wells’ “The Time Machine” – or straight out of Steven Spielberg’s “The Goonies” (which incidentally, was playing in theaters at around this same time).

I truly couldn’t believe such a magical place could really exist – had I not seen it with my own eyes!

Then something happened. I grew up.

While driving down the highway with a friend during my high school years, we happened up the billboard promoting Howe Caverns. Exit 25A the sign said. So I jerked the wheel to the right, as I dreamed of adventure – or at least a hiatus from the boredom of small town life.

Howe Caverns would blow my mind for the 2^nd time that day – as much to my horror it turned out to be little else than an underground rock hallway of sorts. It could hardly occupy ones mind for 30 seconds.

The place hadn’t changed at all mind you. I had changed. I had gotten bigger, older, and apparently less easy to impress. I had outgrown my surroundings. It was a particularly awful moment of realization.

Flash forward many years, and here I am at another cross-road in my life. I’ve lived in New York City now for a short yet amazing time. But due to a period of unemployment that has no end in sight, I must now do the smart thing, and broaden my job search beyond Gotham.

I can’t help but feel though, that if I do leave NYC and take a job somewhere else – that I’ll be like that disillusioned teenager whose world once seemed so big and exciting, and now so small and plain.

How The Swine Flu Outbreak Really Started

2009-05-06T15:39:00.000-07:00

The "L" Stands for LISTEN

2009-04-30T11:39:00.000-07:00

Outbreak, epidemic, pandemic….I don’t know what exactly it is, but one thing I do know is that the Swine Flu is spreading rapidly and scaring the crap out of people in the process.

While the World Health Organization is calling emergency meetings, and our leaders order treatments be shipped to the areas of greatest distress, scientists are busy working on a vaccine for this new strain of influenza that we’ve never before encountered.

It’s scary out there kids! But before you go pouring through the Book of Revelations and start spouting obscure quatrains from Nostradamus, you should know that a more modern day prophet saw this coming from a mile away.

Way back in 1994 a Mr. Samuel L. Jackson warned us all about this very thing in a little film called Pulp Fiction:

Jules: Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.

Vincent: Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.

Jules: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces.

Vincent: How about a dog? Dogs eats its own feces.

Jules: I don't eat dog either.

Vincent: Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?

Jules: I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy but they're definitely dirty. But, a dog's got personality. Personality goes a long way.

Vincent: Ah, so by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?

Jules: Well we'd have to be talkin' about one charming motherfuckin' pig. I mean he'd have to be ten times more charmin' than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I'm sayin'?

Whether this technically qualifies as prophecy or not, I’ll leave up to you to decide for yourself. Me, I’m gonna go dip myself in a vat of Purell now.

Murtaugh List

2009-04-29T14:40:00.000-07:00

I’m finding that unemployment has brought with it a certain amount of self-reflection.

On one hand I feel like I’m a kid again, with no real responsibilities. On the other hand, I feel entirely too old to not have any real responsibilities. It’s very strange indeed to feel both young and old at the same time. It is a dichotomy that I really seem to be struggling with.

For example:
As a result of not having a job to go to, or having people to impress, I would frequently forgo shaving. Then one morning I discovered “Hey, I can grow a beard!” This was followed shortly thereafter with the discovery “Hey, I have gray hairs in my beard!”

This in essence, is a microcosm of my life these days. I’ll briefly feel invigorated by the pure joy of being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. This is then immediately followed by a sense of guilt – because I’m too old to not have obligations (or an income for that matter).

To quote Detective Roger Murtaugh (Danny Glover’s character in the Lethal Weapon movies): “I’m too old for this shit!”

So today, instead of being outside playing in the sunshine - I'm inside, worrying about my future and sending out more resumes.

It also got me thinking….what other shit am I too old for?

So I decided to start a list. A list of things that a 30 something has outgrown, and should not attempt under any circumstances. I plan to continue to add to this list as I think of them (and as I continue to age).

My Murtaugh List (I’m too old for this shit)
- Not having a job or any real responsibility
- Doing laundry at my parents house
- Wearing a glove and/or player jersey to a baseball game
- Not wearing sunblock
- Going out drinking more than 3 nights in a week
- Texting friends after 2am when drunk
- Hanging posters without any frames
- Wearing pajama pants out in public
- Having piercings
- Eating cold pizza for breakfast
- Watching the NFL draft
- Recording humorous/annoying voicemail greetings

Big Wax - My Future Is A Big Wide Open Space

2009-04-14T12:19:00.000-07:00

Dare To Be Evil This Week

2009-03-30T12:27:00.000-07:00

April Fools Day is this Wednesday. Don’t you think it’s about time you stepped up to the plate and delivered? Frankly, I myself haven’t seen a really inspired April Fools prank in 3 years…….

It all started on an unseasonably warm day in late March 2006, Boston, Massachusetts. A co-worker named Dan had decided that he was going to blow off work and go golfing – leaving the rest of our team in the office suffering.

Being busy at work and unable to go outside was aggravating. Being busy with someone else’s work was more aggravating. And knowing that Dan was drinking beers and hitting golf balls while we did his work was unbearable.

Fellow team member (Rachel) was even more annoyed than I however. First Dan had filled one of her desk drawers with styrofoam peanuts, then a few weeks later he had hidden her winter boots during a snowstorm – now he was playing hooky and abandoning us!

Well that was the last straw for Rachel. She decided that Dan needed to be taught a lesson, in the form of an April Fools Day prank. A prank for the ages!

Now before I can simply tell you about the prank that Rachel played, it’s important that you understand something about Rachel. Rachel is….how can I say this delicately….5’10” of pure evil. This is not an exaggeration folks. In fact, I’ve chronicled Rachel’s life for you below:

RACHEL'S LIFE - A TIMELINE OF EVIL

1982 – Rachel is born on an autumn afternoon in North New Jersey (aka.The Armpit of Evil).

1986 – At the tender age of 4, Rachel’s parents decide that she is far too devious for them to raise by themselves. They decided to send her to Ninja Academy in a tiny village north of Osaka, Japan. There, Rachel would train and learn from the great midget ninja master, Hitori Ishii.

1988 – Rachel graduates from the Ninja Academy at the head of her class. She returns to New Jersey as a Level 4 Assassin.

1996 – Rachel goes blonde and forms an exclusive organization known simply as the Rosebuds. They would become a thorn in the side of the Franklin Lakes community for several years before disbanding.

2000 – Rachel attends the Special Olympics for the sole purpose of making fun of the handicapped.

2006 – Rachel plays April Fools prank on Dan (outlined below)

2080 (projected) – Rachel becomes Dark Lord of the Sith.

Ok, got it? This chick is really evil. You don’t want to piss her off. Now back to the prank.

RACHEL'S APRIL FOOLS DAY PRANK

Rachel would use her ninja skills to break into our office late that night with an accomplice. They entered the premises with approximately a thousand plastic cups. Over the next several hours, they would systematically fill each plastic cup to the brim with water. Then they proceeded to line every inch of Dan’s office floor with the cups.

Dan would be completely incapacitated for much of the following day. It would take Dan several humiliating hours of picking up the cups two at a time and dumping them into a waste basket, before he could even get to his desk. Half of the company showed up to laugh at Dan’s misery and take photos.

This April Fools Day I implore you the reader, to dig deep, muster up some courage and try to top this prank!!! And for the love of god, please take pictures and send them to me! If I decide you’ve topped Rachel’s prank, I will feature you in this blog where you will be revered for all eternity by myself and Ronan (the only other person who apparently reads this blog).

Anna

2009-03-27T09:23:00.000-07:00

I stood there, at the mirror, remorseful.
Disgusted with the fool looking back at me.
I should have known this would never work.
How could I be with another,
when you are all I’ve known for so long?

I never wanted it to be this way of course.
It is you that disappeared without a trace.
I kept waiting for you to call,
and tell me of your whereabouts.
The call that never came.

And so we all must move on eventually.

I met her there in the afternoon.
At the same place I had met you, two years earlier.
She tried to please me, but was not capable.
She did not have your experience.
Her trembling hands and clumsy way she moved,
did little to ease my tension.

The whole time I'm thinking,
“This is awful. I shouldn't be here!"
This is not growth.
Quite the opposite, in fact.

I need you back, Anna!

But where have you gone,
Bulgarian woman who used to cut my hair?
This new haircut looks stupid,
and I can’t wear baseball caps forever.

ECONOMICS 101

2009-03-23T09:59:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson: The Economic Bailouts

Good morning students! In today's lesson we'll be continuing our study of the recession economy. Specifically we'll be focusing on Economic Bailouts.

I'm sure many of you have been following along with the news coverage, and have been hearing alot of discussion about bailouts. "This group should get relief....this other group shouldn't, etc." And you've likely been asking yourself, how do these bailout packages get decided upon? How does it all work? And of course, what impact does this really have on the economy?

Please open your text books to Chapter 11 and follow along.

First, what we need to do is identify all of the key players:

The Democrats
The role of the Democrats is to do everything in their ability to rush dollars to where they feel the funds are most needed. While well intending - there is some question about the effectiveness of their approach. Many times the funds do not reach their intended target.

The Republicans
The role of the Republicans is to thwart all of the efforts of the Democrats. Their self-righteous attitudes and whistle-blowing raise alarms. Republicans attempt to maintain the status quo, while at the same time persecuting the Democrats whenever their efforts are ineffective.

The Fat Cat CEO's
The role of the CEO is to gobble up as much of the bailout money as they can, as quickly as they can. Often they are willing to go to extraordinary lengths to get their hands on the money - even if it means putting the Middle Class in harms way. Once the CEO's have amassed their bailout money, they typically use it to give themselves bonuses.

The Middle Class
The role of the Middle Class is to sit idle in a stagnant economy. They are powerless to do anything but sit and wonder how bad a jam they are in, and whom exactly is responsible for this bottleneck? They remain hopeful for economic progress, but see no real indications that it is coming.

Now students, I'd like you to watch this video of the recent Economic Bailout provided to the Automotive Industry. See if you can identify all of the key players...

Got it? Great, class dismissed!

Not So Happy Days

2009-03-22T22:55:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, yours truly was on top of the world. A young, brash entrepreneur whose cocky attitude would take him to unprecedented heights. A modern day gunslinger, willing to take any level of risk – all in the name of profit.

It would all eventually catch up to me though…

It had all started, innocently enough, back when I was attending graduate school in New York City. I had been paired up on a group assignment with a shy, gangly fellow by the name of Bernard. Bernard immediately struck me as different than the other students. He was a humble man of modest upbringing, and while he had the capacity for greatness, he did not possess the desire to be great. Bernard seemed to simply go through the motions with regard to his scholastic pursuits – content to graduate with a mediocre GPA, and eventually take over the family business (a leather tannery in rural Oklahoma). In essence, Bernard was everything that I wasn’t.

My girlfriend those days (Ramona), was a raven-haired siren. She was both high-class and high-maintenance, having grown up in a wealthy family on Manhattan’s upper-east side. Ramona was a recent graduate of the Fashion Institute, and was an aspiring designer of high-end couture. She was incredibly self absorbed – and I of course loved her for it.

One evening while dining at our favorite sushi restaurant, I started telling Ramona about my course work and latest group project. It suddenly occurred to me that she wasn’t listening at all. There she sat staring blankly into her martini glass as if I wasn’t even there. I was becoming enraged but did not want to create a scene in the restaurant. Instead I gritted my teeth and forced myself to ask her, as nicely as possible, what it was that had her so preoccupied.

Her eyes then lit up as the focus of the conversation shifted back to her. She told me about a design she had just created for an incredibly stylish leather jacket. About how her fashionista friends had all fawned over the sketches. And about how she longed to one day be able to manufacture and sell her designs.

That’s when I had an epiphany. I said, “Ramona I think I can make all your dreams a reality….and I think we’ll get rich in the process!”

Eager to put my business acumen to practice, I began the arduous work of researching manufacturers, setting up shipping and distribution channels, and securing capital to get the venture off the ground. It was a daunting task, but I had one ace in the hole – a good-natured naïve hick whose family owned a tannery and was willing to provide us with high quality leather at a very reasonable price.

We then set up a very simple e-commerce website to sell the jackets - and just like that, we were in business.

What happened next was completely unexpected.

The leather jackets were an immediate hit! A sensation of epic proportion in fact! Orders began flooding in from all over the country! And soon it became obvious that we couldn’t possibly keep up.

I pressed Bernard to speed up the leather production but he steadfastly refused. The tannery was a small family business focused on quality craftsmanship - and they wanted to keep it that way. Expansion was out of the question.

Irate with their lack of vision, I sought out other suppliers. That’s when, overcome by greed, I made my first fatal error. It occurred to me that we could produce the leather much faster and much, much cheaper by using a synthetic material (you may know it as “pleather”) and passing it off as the real thing.

So I set the wheels in motion on this little ruse. At first, my plan was working to perfection! Demand was still extremely high and nobody seemed to notice the difference in quality. And I was becoming EXTREMELY wealthy in the process.

I began living a truly lavish lifestyle. Flashy cars, vacation homes, expensive jewelry for Ramona. Nothing was too good. Nothing it seemed was out of reach. Money was truly no object.

It’s true what they say, “greed begets greed.” I soon began looking for other ways to cut costs (cheaper materials, sweat shop labor, tax evasion, whatever I could think of), all while claiming I was selling a product of much higher quality than was the case.

That was my undoing.

Early one morning I awoke in my home to a considerable racket. To my shock, there was a large crowd out front, consisting of news reporters and angry protestors! The scandal had broke!! It was all over the media! CNN was referring to me as “the greediest man in America.” Death threats were pouring in from those who had fallen victim.

I had bilked consumers out of millions of dollars in the largest Fonzie Scheme ever perpetrated on the American public.

Hellooo McFly?!

2009-03-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

Exactly 20 years ago - before any of us knew what hybrid vehicles, and alternative fuel sources were. And before we fought costly wars in faraway lands over oil – a man had a vision. A vision that we would one day cast aside the limitations of gravity. That we would not merely choose the path less traveled, but instead blaze our own trails all together.

That visionary was one Dr. Emmett L Brown.

(Actually, the true visionary was Film Director Robert Zemeckis)

The Plot:
With Marty McFly's parents back together and back in his own time of 1985, he thought that his days of time traveling were over. What he does not know is that it is just beginning - as Dr. Emmett L Brown informs him that he must travel to the future with him. Marty, and his girlfriend Jennifer, go with Doc to the year 2015 where his future family is about to enter turmoil.

I was 11 years old in 1989, when “Back To The Future II” came out. It didn’t exactly leave a lasting impression on me, save for one key takeaway…

WE’RE GOING TO BE DRIVING FLYING CARS BY 2015!!!

I waited patiently as the years ticked by, praying that I would see some evidence, some glimmer of hope that this dream would one day come to fruition. Recently though, my hope had all but been extinguished. We’re only 6 years away from 2015 after all.

Well just when it seemed my little pipe-dream was out of reach, I stumbled across this gem on the internet:

So next time you wooosh silently by me in your Toyota Prius – with that smug little grin and condescending attitude, you might want to look skyward. The future is almost here.

This Week's Sign That The Apocalypse Is Upon Us

2009-03-14T10:47:00.000-07:00

I Have A Dream!

2009-03-12T12:42:00.000-07:00

No, the words that follow will not be as profound and inspiring as Dr King’s.

But I did have a dream. Today. And while this might not be big news to anyone else - to me it was amazing! See, I haven’t had a dream in like 15 years. Or if I did, all recollection of it disappeared instantly upon my awakening. And so it’s been this way, for a very long time. I’ve always found this to be an oddity. When, during the course of the day, a person would regale me with the tale of “the crazy dream they had last night.” I would listen intrigued by the bizzare imagery that their brains were able to concoct. Often with a bit of envy.

Lately, I haven’t been sleeping very well.

My life is a bit unsettled at the moment. You see, two weeks ago I was let go by my employer. I'm an economic casualty. One of many these days it seems.

Since then, I’ve spent many an hour toiling away on resumes and networking. And equally as much time fretting over the realities of my situation. I live in the most expensive city in the country, and soon will not be able to cover my rent. Health insurance? Ha, you must be joking. Job leads? Slim to none in my field of choice (advertising).

Today started out much the same as every day has for a while now.

I woke up from another poor night’s sleep at 7:30 a.m. with no particular place to go.

(I don’t ever set my alarm clock. For whatever reason, I have a very precise “mental alarm” that shakes me from my sleep at exactly the same time every morning. I don’t know what part of the brain controls this – I also don’t understand why the other parts of my brain haven’t informed this part that I no longer have a job to go to. But I digress...)

After showering and coffee, I sat down at my computer to begin the arduous task of finding employment, and worrying about how I will pay the bills that relentlessly attack my mailbox.

Then today, at approximately 2pm I was overwhelmed with exhaustion. So I went back to my bed and immediately fell into a deep sleep. And incredibly…I had a dream. An extremely vivid dream about spiders in my home. They were everywhere! A few big ones spinning intricate webs. And a multitude of little ones scurrying about the walls and floors. I was quite concerned about them, although they seemed to mean me no harm.

And my parents were there. They were very nonchalant with regard to the spiders. I kept asking that they help me get rid of them. My father would knock down a couple of the large webs – but they would almost immediately be reassembled. My parents just shrugged their shoulders. Seeming almost happy about what was transpiring.

That’s when I woke up…with mixed emotions.

On one hand, I was extremely proud. I had just had a dream and REMEMBERED it! On the other hand, why the hell was I dreaming about spiders!? I’ve had no real life encounters with arachnids, or any other creature from the insect kindom recently. Surely, dreaming of such an infestation could only be a bad omen….or a sign that I should quit eating spicy food for a while! Ha.

So I decided to look up on the internet the meaning behind my perplexing hallucination.

(Keep in mind, I’m normally an extremely pracitcal, rational person. I don’t follow horoscopes. I’m not into homeopathic new age mumbo jumbo, or anything of the sort. But hell….who knows how long it’ll be before I have another dream, might as well attempt to find out more.)

Here is what I learned...

Spiders:

An ancient symbol for weaving and thus for creativity. The dreamer may be going through a rough time in life, and need to find a creative solution to resolve the situation. Dreaming of a spider can be reassuring: You have it in you to find the solution.

To dream of a spider, denotes that you will be careful and energetic in your labors, and fortune will be amassed to you in pleasing proportions.

To see one building its web, foretells that you will be happy and secure in your own home. If you dream that you see many spiders hanging in their webs around you, it foretells most favorable conditions, fortune, good health and friends.

All spiders except tarantulas are omens of good luck. If you see a spider climbing the wall you will have your dearest wish come true and if you see a spider spinning a web you will have an increase in your income due to hard work.

Who knows, perhaps things are about to turn around for me. I could certainly use a bit of good fortune about now. On the other hand maybe it’s “just a dream.” But even if it is…I consider myself lucky to have had one.

An End To Freedom

2009-03-12T12:15:00.000-07:00

His name was Nahwoud Dahaijee.

He stood nervously at the Bank Of America teller's window in a sleepy New England town. The cashier's eyes darted back toward the bank manager - the look on her face speaking volumes, as she counted out stacks of one hundred dollar bills. Nahwoud shifted his weight from his left foot to his right, and then back again. This transaction was taking entirely too long for his liking.

I stood in the bank lobby, my body tense and alert. My mind was racing as I tried to comprehend the sequence of events that brought me here, to this point in time. Nahwoud's uncle (Uday) - a stern, expressionless man - stood close by my side. He watched me carefully as though he half expected me to flee. His penetrating glare felt as though it was burning a hole in my skull.

Suddenly without warning Nahwoud turned, pointed at me, and said something incomprehensible to Uday. Uday grasped my shoulder shoving me in the direction of the counter. "He needs you now," Uday said.

I approached the teller's window with some apprehension. An impatient Nahwoud whispered in my direction, "Here-you count now." My fingers trembled as I counted out the stacks of neatly organized bills. It was more money than I had ever held in my hand at one time. When finished, I looked at Nahwoud and gave a small nod of the head. All of the money was there.

"You take," Nahwoud said. I proceeded to stuff money into the front left pocket of my jeans. The lump that the cash formed in my pants, rivaled the lump that had been growing in my throat since I woke up that morning.

I knew what was coming next. I knew that the freedom that I had taken for granted for much of my life, was about to be ripped from my clutches. I knew that my world was about to get a whole lot smaller.

"You have the documents, yes?" Uday questioned. I nodded and slowly slid an unlabeled file folder in his direction. He opened it and began pouring over the information inside. "Very good," Uday said with a chuckle as he patted Nahwoud on the back. "We must go handle our business now - you are free to go."

Free to go. The irony of those words echoed in my head. Free to go? Hardly. Freedom, as I had come to know it, was gone. Maybe forever. At least for the foreseeable future.

I had just sold my car to a college student named Nahwoud.

Why, what did you think I was talking about?! RACIST!!!

Don't mind me. I'm just disgruntled about being relegated to public transportation.

Goodbye old friend....